She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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