Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
