if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I met the friendliest cop last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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