Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
