I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
