so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He keeps bees of course he's weird
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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