i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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