Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize