Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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