Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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