i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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