Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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