She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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