doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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