any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
