I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize
