You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
