everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
