that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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