and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
