Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
