So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
