i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
