we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
