i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
