i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
