I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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