I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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