Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
