I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize