Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
