I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Come see our sink grown plant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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