i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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