I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
