haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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