This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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