the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
