i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
