Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.

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(301): View more from Maryland

i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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(254): View more from Texas

You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Such a big mess for such a small penis

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