but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
