Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize