i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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