The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
where am i from again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
