i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
