I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
