i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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