I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
