That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
