i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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