Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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