So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
