If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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