then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
