haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
