you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
