You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize