yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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