I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
