Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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