They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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