And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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