He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
