woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
