dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she smelled like a LAN party
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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