I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
did you just send me my own nude
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
