Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
