fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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