Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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