I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize