dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
