you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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