thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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