Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
