if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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