I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
