can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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