The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize