i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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