There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
