WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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