She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
me + whiskey = a bad person
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
