His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
