I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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