the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize