Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize