okay pat passed out under dana's car
false alarm. still invincible.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
