Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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