I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
