Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
