You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
