he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
