What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
