I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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