once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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